The year is 2040, and the Earth as we know it has become an uninhabitable mess through pollution, nuclear war and God knows what else. People know live in the Efficiecity, a completely enclosed environment kept safe from the ravages of the outside world. People no longer live in traditional family groups, but instead are made artificially in “batches” and are then sent to live in artificial families in homes known as Habivirons.

The show is named after the main character, a young girl, or “female diminibeing”, who gets named Luna by the other members of her forced household, although her real name is the decidedly unflattering 72-batch-19Y. The other members of the group are Gramps, who is an aging punk who still remembers what the world used to be like, Andy, the habiviron’s android, Mother, the habiviron computer, and Brat, a young boy who’s name is fittingly given to him by Gramps – though Brat doesn’t know what the word actually means!

Luna was created by ex-Monkee Mickey Dolenz (who was also behind the Metal Mickey TV series) and was written by Colin Prockter and Colin Bennett, who also played Andy (and was the Mr. Bennett from Take Hart too). Luna was played by a young Patsy Kensit in the first series, and Joanna Wyatt in the second series, whilst Brat was played by Aaron Brown, who later appeared in the BBC kids drama Seaview alongside Blue Peter presenter (and now Most Haunted star) Yvette Fielding.

Another interesting character was 80H, the sector Bureaubeing, who arrived with a fanfare wearing a big black suit of the kind that might be on sale where Darth Vader does his clothes shopping. Whilst he was all threatening monotones and voice distortion to start off with, he often ended up removing his helmet because he got too hot and broke out in a “film of exuded moisture”, revealing a moustached and spectacle wearing office worker.

The show could be a little hard to follow at times due to the amount of Technotalk, the futuristic language based on English that all the characters spoke in (with the exception of Gramps that is). The aforementioned dark streak was also quite prominent, with characters being faced with instant death for little things like losing an ID card.

A fine show, and one that has inexplicably failed to get a release on DVD yet, despite recordings of it still apparently existing in the vaults somewhere. Until it does get a much deserved re-airing then, there’s always the fan site Lunaviron to have a look at, and there’s a few bits up on YouTube, like the clip below…

To add to the technology vibe of the show, the good old BBC Micro was used to provide the on screen scores and also one of the rounds, Word of Mouth, which was a variation on the game Hangman, where teams had to guess a word (normally something like the name of a country) by choosing letters. The round took it’s name from the fact that the letters appeared inside a robots mouth.

Whilst never actually seen, the computer was given the name Eugene by Ms. Greenwood, apparently in reference to the name of the chap who programmed the BBC Micro for the show.

The BBC Micro also got wheeled out as the prize of the show, as the ultimate winning team were awarded one of the computers as their prize (Game show prizes were pretty cheap back then, weren’t they?). This prize was reserved for the final champions of the show, as the teams scores were entered on a league table and the top teams came back to compete again at the end of the series.

The videogames that were used in the show were actually proper arcade games, the best remembered being the 100m sprint from Track & Field, Paperboy and my personal favourite 720°, the skateboarding game from Atari. Track & Field was particularly funny as you would hear the terrible speech synthesis try and say the players time (you could never make it out) and if a good result was achieved the little computerised athlete would jump up and down, which always seemed to make Debbie smile.

Another round was called The Spinning Gold Disc, which saw a compact disc (then still another modern miracle) have segments of its surface removed to reveal a celebrity face.

Three series of the show were made between 1986 and 1989, with a couple of celebrity specials thrown in for good measure, featuring teams from Grange Hill and EastEnders. It aired in the early Saturday evening slot on BBC1, and I can certainly remember worse ways of starting off a Saturday evening.

In 1987, this same section of society came down hard on what could perhaps be dubbed a “television nasty”, although in truth this is really quite far from the truth. The show in question was Hardwicke House, an ITV sitcom which caused so many complaints to be made from viewers that it only aired two episodes before being pulled from the TV schedules, and this despite an entire series consisting of an hour long pilot episode and six regular half hour episodes had already been filmed.

Even more surprising is that TV Times magazine, then the only way of finding out what programmes were going to be shown on ITV, had put a lot of emphasis on this show, with it being on the cover and having a feature inside for the week the show went on air.

The show itself was about a rather dysfunctional school, both in terms of the pupils attending it and the staff who taught at it. There was a large cast, the most famous of which was Roy Kinear, one of the UK’s great comic actors. Also featuring as regulars were Pam Ferris (later Ma Larkin in The Darling Buds of May) and Duncan Preston (now on Emmerdale, but who has been in a host of shows including many involving comedienne Victoria Wood). One of the unseen episodes even featured Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson as a couple of ex-pupils who had just been released (escaped?) from borstal.

The comedy in Hardwicke House was both black and slapstick, with a lot of the laughs coming from situations that might seem more at home in a copy of the Beano. People were dangled (and dropped) down stairwells, electrocuted and much more besides, but it was generally all done in a cartoon violence way, rather than anything overly graphic.

So why all the fuss? None of this sounds particularly bad? Well, the main reason had to be the time at which ITV decided to show the series. Putting it on at a pre-watershed time of 8.30 meant kids could be well expected to see it, and this was probably the main concern of those who complained. Had it been shown at a later time slot (say 10pm) it would probably have aired without issue.

Cancelled it was though, in a spectacular piece of back-stepping on the part of ITV. A planned second series was immediately canned, and the remaining five unshown episodes have never been aired (or released on video or DVD) to this day, which is surprising given the cult following the programme now has and the number of TV channels there are around these days for which Hardwicke House would be a perfect fit.

If you want to see what all the fuss was about, you can see the two episodes on YouTube courtesy of filmnet (I’ve embedded the first part of the first episode below). Thanks go to my friend Phil for pointing me at the YouTube clips, and also to hardwickehouse.info for being a mine of background information on the show.

First airing in 1981, Only Fools And Horses probably needs no introduction. Charting the misadventures of “entrepreneur” Derek “Del Boy” Trotter (David Jason) and his long suffering brother Rodney (Nicholas Lyndhurst), seven series of the sitcom were made, the last being shown in 1991. This was then followed with several Christmas special episodes, with the last of those airing in 2003.

The show and it’s characters have become somewhat of a British institution, and even if you’ve never watched the show in your life you are sure to recognise the names of Trotters Independent Trading Del Boy and “plonker” Rodney, and if you ever happen to see one of those three wheeler Reliant Robin cars you’ll no doubt first think of Only Fools And Horses.

When the show first aired Del Boy and Rodney shared their flat in Nelson Mandela House with their Grandad (Lennard Pearce), a bit of an old moaner who used to sit glued to his armchair watching TV most of the time. He came out with some great one liners though. When Lennard Pearce died the next series wanted to keep the generation gap comedy, so Grandad’s brother, Uncle Albert (Buster Merryfield) came to stay with the Trotter boys. He had been in the merchant Navy, and often bored everyone who would listen with some story from “in the war”.

Whilst always thought of first and foremost as a situation comedy, Only Fools And Horses was at least part drama too. Whilst earlier series had more self contained episodes, as the show progressed a continuing story began to flourish, and we saw Rodney want to try and better himself, as he came to realise that Del’s dodgy dealings were never going to make them millionaires, no matter how much his brother claimed they would.

Rodney went to college and got married to a girl named Cassandra Parry, who came from a much better off family than the Trotters, and in time Del too settled down (if only a bit) when he got married to Raquel Turner. Rodney’s marriage fell apart but happily the couple resolved their differences and got back together again, and eventually both Del and Rodney become fathers. Rodney has a little girl named Joan, after his mother, whilst Del’s son is named Damien (which led to several references to The Omen films).

The programme has since led to two spin off shows, The Green Green Grass, charting the life of Boycie and Marlene, two of the characters from Only Fools who go to live in a country manor, and Rock and Chips, which was a prequel to Only Fools, showing a young Del Boy and his friends growing up in 1960’s Peckham.

In the television adaptation, Dr David Banner (played by Bill Bixby) was a medical researcher who became irradiated with gamma rays during an experiment that went wrong. From that day, whenever he got angry, David Banner would transform into his monstrous alter ego, a big green brute of a man who becomes dubbed The Incredible Hulk (played in the series by Lou Ferrigno, a former Mr. Universe bodybuilder).

The highlight of each episode would be watching the transformation from man to monster, which saw Bill Bixby start to writhe and sweat, followed by clips showing his body increasing in size and starting to rip his clothes to shreds. His skin colour would start to go that famous shade of green, and finally, once fully transformed, Lou Ferrigno would grimace at the camera and show off his impressive phsyique.

For some reason all the sequences that then followed of the Hulk smashing and crashing his way through things seemed to be in slow motion. Presumably this was to try and give more of an impressive feeling to the strength of the Hulk, and to hide how easy it would have been for Ferrigno to pick up and hurl a polystyrene boulder.

The slow motion sequences presumably also explain why the Hulk never spoke (except for the odd growl here and there) in the television series, despite the fact he could talk (admittedly in a rather simplistic way) in the original comic books.

Probably the most enduring thing from the show has to be the famous line from the title sequence where Dr. Banner is talking to nosey newspaper reporter Jack McGee. “Don’t make me angry“, he says, “you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry“. I’m sure most children on the 1980’s will have said, or at least had said to them, this quote at some point in their lives.

The premise of the series then was that after an accident causing an explosion at the lab where David Banner worked, Banner turns into the Hulk whilst trying to rescue a co-worker from the ensuing fire. Jack McGee sees the Hulk carrying the injured woman from the scene, but when she later dies from injuries sustained in the fire, the Hulk is blamed for both killing her and David Banner, as well as starting the explosion.

Realising he can’t really suddenly come back from the dead without having to explain how he survived the fire, David Banner decides to hit the road, and travels across America helping out people he comes across along the way, whilst trying to find himself a cure and evade Jack McGee who is hot on his heels following an sightings of the Hulk.

The programme started life as a couple of made for television movies in 1977, before five seasons of the television show were made. The last series was shown in 1982, although in 1988 the first of three more television movies were made, with the following two coming in 1989 and 1990. All three featured both Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, and there were plans for more (despite the fact the last film was called the Death of the Incredible Hulk and ended with the Hulk falling out of a plane, and reverting back to David Banner just before he dies). These plans were shelved though when Bill Bixby died of cancer in 1993.

If you are of a certain age, then you will remember that the BBC had a long running kids show about wildlife called Animal Magic, hosted by the inimitable Johnny Morris and Terry Nutkins. That show sadly came to an end in 1983 when the BBC thought it was no longer relevant to kids, but it took them three years to come up with a suitable animal related replacement programme.

In 1986 the first series of The Really Wild Show was launched. Featuring Animal Magic’s Terry Nutkins, Chris Packham (now a fairly key part of the BBC’s Natural History unit, although sadly now minus the amazing spikey hair do) and Nicola Davies as presenters, it has to be said that the wait was probably worth it, as the new show certainly felt a lot more modern and in tune with what kids now expected to see on TV.

The Really Wild Show was filmed in a studio, with an audience of kids visible on camera behind the presenters. Animals would be brought in and the presenters would first let you know a bit about the creatures in question, before, in most cases, letting some lucky members of the audience come and have a closer look.

The good thing about the programme was that they tried to bring you some animals you had never heard of before. If I hadn’t seen it on the Really Wild Show I would not believe there was such a thing as a Sea Cucumber, let alone that it’s natural defence mechanism was to shoot out its guts when attacked. Ergh! I’ve always appreciated the fact they even demonstrated this by attempting to pick one up out of a tank of water.

Sadly the BBC have now seen fit to axe the Really Wild Show, and it came to an end in 2006. That means it still managed to last a very respectable 20 years (even though it has been through a number of presenters and format shake ups in the process) which puts it almost on a par with Animal Magic. I have to say though that it makes me feel a little old, since I remember tuning in to the first series…

Today I want to concentrate on what I consider to be the Muppets at their best by talking about The Muppet Show.

The Muppet Show ran for five years from 1976 to 1981 and clocked up 120 episodes in that time. During this time the regular characters such as Kermit the Frog, the karate chopping Miss Piggy and the struggling comedian Fozzie Bear became household names, and are still well known today despite not being on TV regularly any more.

The show was conceived by Muppet’s creator Jim Henson, who was beginning to feel typecast for his work on Sesame Street and wanted to do something to appeal to all the family. He came up with the idea of the Muppets putting on a variety show from a theatre, a form of entertainment that was still popular back in the Seventies but which has become much rarer these days on television.

The format worked brilliantly, with comedy sketches and songs featuring a wide array of Muppet characters and also that weeks guest star. The Muppet Show became the one programme that real life stars wanted to be on, much like The Simpsons has been in more recent years.

There were so many brilliant bits to look forward to each week. My favourite was undoubtedly Pigs in Space (or Piiiiiigs Iiiiiiin Spaaaaace, to give it it’s proper title!) but I also liked Muppet Labs with Dr Bunsen Honeydew and the ever put upon Beaker. Veterinarians Hospital was usually fun too, if only for the end when Rowlf, Piggy and Janice would look around to find out where the narrator’s voice was coming from.

The Muppet Show has proved incredibly popular right around the world, and I think one of the reasons for this is down to it’s production. It always felt partly American thanks to the array of guest stars who were primarily from the US, but as it was filmed in the UK something British must have worked its way into the mix, as it also felt partly home grown too. Perhaps this is why the more recent attempt at bringing the format back, in the form of Muppets Tonight, didn’t work quite so well?

I’ll finish off by leaving you with the “most sensational, inspirational” Muppet Show intro. I’m sure you all remember the words and music, don’t you?

I can remember the title of the show and theme song as if it were yesterday. I remember the main character was an Indiana Jones type who flew one of those cool airplanes that can land on water. I remember a bar, which had a statue of a gold monkey on the bar surface (presumably where the title of the show came from) and I also remember there being a dog who wore an eye patch.

Not really high on detail I know, yet I remember lying on the sofa glued to the television whenever it was on. I even remember that it was on on Monday nights!

Before the Internet came along then that would probably have been that, but now a Google search or two later I can fill in some of the gaps in my memory, so for the rest of you out there scratching your head and going “hey, that rings a bell”, here goes…

The show was created by Donald P. Belisario, who is probably better known for Airwolf and time travel series Quantum Leap. It was set in the 1930’s, around the same time period that Raiders of the Lost Ark was set, and since Gold Monkey arrived on our screens it was often seen as being a Raiders cash in.

Apparently this is not the case though, as Belisario had been trying to get the show made since the 1970’s, but TV executives didn’t think that viewers would be interested in a show set in the Thirties, until Raiders came along of course.

The star of the series is Jake Cutter who runs an air freight business out of a fictional South Pacific island named Bora Gora. He flies a Grumman Goose (the sea plane I mentioned above) called Cutter’s Goose and he did indeed have a one eyed dog who wore an eye patch. The dog was called Jack, and he used to have a fake eye made from opal, until Jake lost it in a card game.

Jake’s best (non canine) friend is his engineer Corky, who is a fond of a little tipple or two (or three) which leads to him being more than a little forgetful at times.

The bar that Jake frequented was called The Monkey Bar, and it did indeed have a Gold Monkey within it. Well, that is, it appeared to be gold, but it was in fact made of brass. The bar was owned by “Bon Chance” Louie, who was played by the late Roddy McDowall, star of the Planet of the Apes films and TV series.

That’s about it for my memories then, and I’m pleased that I was at least in the right ball park with them. Here’s a little more though.

Jake also had a love interest by the name of Sarah Stickney White, who was a US Government spy working undercover as a singer in the Monkey Bar. Working for the Nazis was the (fake) Reverend Willie Tenboom, who used to spend a lot of his time trying to bless the natives of Bora Gora.

Other recurring characters were Japanese princess Koji and her bodyguard Todo. Koji was in part Jake’s enemy in some of the stories, although she kind of had a bit of a crush on him at the same time. Interestingly Koji and Todo both appear on the opening credits, despite only being in a few of the episodes.

Most excitingly though, it appears Tales of the Gold Monkey has even been released on DVD, although tracking down a copy might be difficult as it’s not currently in stock on Amazon, which doesn’t bode well.

To finish my little trip down memory lane, here’s a clip of the title sequence, and yes, I’m pleased to say that my memory of the theme tune was correct too!